It was snowing so beautifully that year in Sheffield (2013). 

So...

How did I get the courage to go and live thousands of miles away from home, all alone and missing all family events and my friends' special days?

I did not. I never did and I wasn't even the slightest bit prepared to leave them. 

All I know was that, after my undergraduate studies, I wanted to further my studies abroad, wrong, I had UK specifically in mind. 

Why?

I was inspired by my dad, who, in the year 1997 to 2002 did his PhD in Manchester and within that 5 years of living in England, it was probably the most enjoyable moments of my life. I met great friends (they've become my bestfriends ever since until now) and I explored my interest and I loved my life. So I was determined that I wanted to follow my dad's footstep and wanted to come back to the UK. 

So there and then, since I was in high school, I had my ambition fixed to do my Masters in Sheffield (because they have among the best Landscape and Architecture Department in the country. haha) and Alhamdulillah, with the guidance from Allah s.w.t., I completed my MA in Landscape Management at the University of Sheffield in 2013.

I remember being so busy months (or even a year I think - can't quite remember) applying for scholarships from various Universities, government and private agencies until I finally got accepted and were given a study loan from Majlis Amanah Rakyat (MARA) just about a month before the university academic calendar starts that autumn semester. I immediately bought my one way ticket to Manchester via Abu Dhabi (Etihad Airways) and had a very hectic last two weeks trying to settle the agreement and documents with MARA; going to several hospitals in KL an Selangor to get a fast result for medical check-up and applying for my student's visa.  

I packed for my 1-year living abroad just few days before my flight was scheduled. I only packed my clothes, my toiletries and a few packets of spices and instant noodles (because I'm noob like that). I didn't even own at least one piece of jacket and the warmest piece of clothing I had was my cardigan (told ya I wasn't prepared at all). I was young and too carefree I didn't even do much (if any) research about this journey I'm about to embark upon. 

At the airport, I had my loving family, friends and relatives who came along to send me off. After we had spent a little time at the airport's cafeteria, then it eventually hit me hard that I was leaving and going to be alone for a whole one year when it was time for boarding. Oh man did I cry a river at the departure gates where I hugged everybody and was saying my goodbyes. 

"Takpe, nak pergi belajar.. sekejap je ni, takpe..." were words from my beloved Atok (my grandmother) when I hugged her tight. 

The guy in charge for checking my passport at the gate saw me cry so hard and he tried to create a conversation with me.

"Pergi belajar ke?"

"Ye" I nodded.

"Berapa lama?"

"Setahun." 

He just smiled and gave me back my passport. I bet he was thinking "pfftt, just a year and you're crying this hard?" haha. 

When I boarded my plane, well, not surprisingly, the flight was filled with Arabs and no fellow Malaysian were to be seen despite we were flying from Kuala Lumpur. I sat at the aisle and next to me was a little kid and an Arab woman next to her at the window. She was talking to someone (assuming her family) across me in the middle section of the plane's seating, She then asked me if she can change places with me because she wanted to be able to talk to her husband without interrupting me and so that her child could also easily interact with them. I was upset and sad after that much crying I couldn't even think of anything so I agreed and said that I didn't mind swopping places and sat by the window. I really didn't mind at all and I'm glad I did, because shortly after the plane took off, my cheeks were flowing with tears again. Haha. I tried to control myself not to make myself seemed so obvious that I was crying so I was sure I was being really quiet and was just staring out the window. (Seriously, typing this whole scenario really makes me smile and laugh at my old self. haha). Then the Arab lady asked me if I was OK (well, I guess I wasn't quiet enough then). I said I was.

"You miss your family?"

Indeed I was this crybaby. 

"Yeah, already. I'm going to study abroad and I've never been away from home. This is my first time." I said while wiping my teary eyes and chuckled of embarrassment. She then comforted me and we later had a nice conversation. 

She then got off in Abu Dhabi while I continued my journey to Manchester. Upon reaching Manchester Airport, to get the trolleys to carry our luggage, we needed a one Pound coin and I didn't have any as I had my cash in notes from the exchange I made in KL. But I couldn't carry my all big luggage by myself so I definitely needed assistance! Only then I saw a friendly Malaysian face and I (think) I approached him telling this stranger my problem. He lent me a Pound coin and I said I'd pay him back (though I had no idea how I would - he was going to Liverpool for his study), but he said it was OK (God bless this kind stranger). So when I got to the arrival waiting area, that was where I met my housemate, Hanira. I was just coming out of the toilet and she was just about to brush her teeth after her flight. We went to Sheffield together and moved into our new house. 

And from then on, I learnt to live by myself , being independent in a foreign countries, clueless on how to cook (Hanira taught me how to eventually, hehe), travelled with friends and most importantly, realised my dream. Although its not always pretty and runs smooth like I expected, (well, I didn't really have any expectation to start with), I just went for it without thinking and saw this part of the world that I have always wanted to. And I'm proud for being able to step out of my comfort zone.

If people asks me what my motivation was, I'd say it was my dream and will to go through whatever it takes for me to realise it. No matter how many obstacles you face, just don't give up. 

Here are some of my lovely families and friends who took their time to send me off at the airport.

And of course my dad, my inspiration (and my paparazzi aunt, hehe.)


My lovely family and relatives.
(Photo courtesy of my friend, Rudy).


 And my wonderful friends...

"Lone ranger, big-hearted and yet still a cry baby." - was the caption Rudy put on this photo he posted in Facebook. (-.-')